Thursday, April 28, 2011

#110 Planning Blues

I was speaking to a bride to be recently who is struggling with feeling alone in the wedding planning process.
She felt that her excitement about the amazing day she is preparing is ostracizing her from her friends & it is (understandably) upsetting her that they are disinterested & mocking her excitement, quite openly.
I felt so sad for her, & even more so that she felt so alone in those emotions.
Even as she spoke to me she was apologising for sharing her feelings, & I'm not even sure she noticed.

I'm not sure that there is anyone who doesn't feel these things (among so many other things of course) when they are planning a wedding.
Not everyone has family or friends close by, & even if they do, not everyone has family or friends who are necessarily able &/or willing to help.
Certainly I have heard peoples experiences of these emotions echoed again & again.
Wedding planning is not, in my experience nor of anyone I have spoken to,  the shiny picture presented to us that is comprised entirely of bridal showers, hen's nights & trying on perfect wedding dresses with all your girlfriends while sipping champagne as your mother looks on & dabs away tears of pride.

Image by John Michael Cooper

(Ironically & somewhat amusingly, when I was looking for the an image to accompany this post, one search I tried was 'lonely wedding planning'... Google auto corrected my search to 'lovely' wedding planning )

There is an absolutely HUGE amount of pressure that begins the moment you say 'yes'.
Obviously there is the 'to do' list - venue, photographer, flowers, invitations (etc, the list is so much longer than you realise?), but in addition to that there are the expectations of family & of friends which can be incredibly overwhelming not to mention conflicting! The stress of budgeting - regardless of whether that budget is $1000 or $100,000, the relatively short period of time to learn about traditions & an industry that most people know nothing about before hand, & so on...
Oh & did I mention marriage? That maybe you might have some feelings about that?
That you will have to face your partners expectations too? Lets not even mention your own expectations?
It is a truly delicate balancing act that you can but hope will stay in the air & somehow come together on the day... & then last the rest of your life.
Lucky you have had so much practice yeah? Oh wait...
Mmm.... Sounds fun?

I think that weddings & marriage, like so many other things in life, are something that you may think you understand on paper but in actual fact you can never truly understand all the emotions that come with them until you have experienced it yourself.
Unfortunately that leaves a lot of people feeling very alone, at a time that society has conditioned us to believe that we should be our happiest.
Heaven forbid you should be so bold as to try & express that & be labeled a 'bridezilla'.

In so many ways I find it very easy to see how people become caught up in the superficialities of a wedding. Outside pressures aside, it is quite an effective way of avoiding deeper (dare i say) issues that come up during what can for many, be a very testing time. The superficial details are the ones you can control. Well, sometimes anyway.

I also wonder if this is one of those things when instead of supporting each other & validating what others are experiencing, the people who do understand & could be there for each other are too busy comparing themselves & their choices, basically competing?

Among all the things to do & trying to keep everyone else happy, don't neglect yourself.
No, I'm not talking about getting a gym membership to tone up your arms.
If you need help ask for it. If you are feeling alone, tell someone. And keep talking until you find someone who can support you through the downs, AND share in the highs!
And if you are in a position to, be there for someone.
Even if you don't quite get it.


Monday, April 11, 2011

#109 Groomsmen Gifts

We had gifts for our Groomsmen custom made by Dlk Designs on Etsy (Iif you aren't already addicted to Etsy, just surrender to the awesome already yeah? It will change your life...) .

Here is a photo of one pair of the boys personalized cufflinks taken by our brilliant photographer Karalee of Angelsmith Photography

Two map fragments are mounted on to stirling silver, in this pair of Dublin & Adelaide for Mr N's brother, & preserved under a magnifying jewelery grade resin that is slightly domed.
Each of the groomsmen & Mr N, had map pieces relevant to them & their history.

I found it really hard to decide on gifts because as with anything wedding related there is a gigantic overabundance of cliche options.
I'm so glad we were able to find something that was both useful & personal... & really pretty... shh don't tell the boys!


#108 Rob Ryan

I first saw Rob Ryan's work late 2009, he works from London, England & his art includes lasercuts, ceramics, screenprints & textiles.
If I'm being quite honest, I think it's quite different to the art I am usually attracted to? Regardless I fell rather immediately head over heels.
'You are my universe. Moons circle planets and planets circle stars, stars and galaxies rotate eternally and you and I circle each other for you are my universe entirely and i will always be yours.'
'We Had Nothing, We Had Not Much, We Had Enough, We Had Everthing' P.S.Please Don't Ever Let Me Have Too Much'
”Can We? Shall We? One day very soon, let us go away together just you and me. Can We? Shall We? Call in sick one day and travel to the sea and hold hands all day. Can We? Shall We? Eat our sandwiches on the train, get drunk on fresh air and come home tired and never tell anyone.... Ever.”

'I can't forget and I never will you smiled at me and from nothing something came now the world is new to me again I will remember still you smiled at me and now I dream a dream of good.'

'Every night at the same time, I pick a star, hold it tight and think of you a thousand miles across land and sea, I feel you in my heart thinking of me.'
'These same stars and this same sky hang over both you and I, In our dreams and in my heart, they help us feel less far apart.'
'Everything that is supposed to be in heaven is already here on earth.'

'The key to my heart knows it will one day be found.' + 'The key to my heart has hope that is indestructible.'

And here is the gorgeous print that Mr N gave to me as a wedding present...

It's gorgeous (& huge) & I love it!


Thursday, April 7, 2011

#107 1950 Does Too!

To follow on from the previous post, another sublime find by my friend Eva via Vintageous (cute name huh?).
How delicious is this 1950's cocktail dress?!
Made from ivory lace & 3 layers pink organdy & with a structured bodice, i think it would make a perfect wedding dress for a garden party wedding...
I hope the lucky person who bought it for a mere $265 thinks so too!
Just more evidence that an absolutely stunning & one of a kind wedding gown needn't cost the earth... & I don't need to explain the benefits of 'recycling' right? ;)


Thanks for the eye candy Eva!


#106 1860's Got Style.

Earlier in the week my friend Eva sent me a link from Augusta Auctions.
What followed was a long discussion with Mr N about why , when we are already married, I 'needed' another wedding dress, & why he needed to build said dress it's very own room.
Sounds like crazy person talk? Reserve judgment until you've seen this dress I say...

According to the website this breathtaking piece (seriously, I get a little breathless) which is currently in the Brooklyn museum is handmade bobbin & Pt de Gaz needle lace c. 1860-1870 (!) possibly a veil remade into wedding gown (!!!) c. 1940, has a fitted sleeveless bodice, full open-front, skirt w/ train & a cream underdress.
They neglect to mention that it is made by the fairies of awesomeness...




Can. You. Breathe.
  • Sure, the measurments of 34/24 are likely to remain a thing of my pre baby past, but you couldn't risk wearing something as divine as this in any case so that's ok!
  • The low estimate for auction is $1000 & the high estimate is $1500. 
  • THAT is what you call real crazy person talk people. I don't think it could possibly go for so little, it will be interesting to keep an eye on...

On a final note, if this jaw dropping gown is indeed a veil remade into a dress as suggested, can you even begin to imagine what the dress that went with the original veil looked like?